Like you do

I thought about you today, but that's nothing new. I think about you everyday. I think about what we had, what we lost and what might be gone forever. I also think of the person you are becoming. I cant completely understand where you are in life or what  your feeling because I have never been addicted to drugs and alcohol. Some people think that im crazy for holding on this long, for forgiving you for how you treated me. How you verbally and physically abused me. Drugs alter your ability to be yourself. Do I blame all of your actions on drugs? No I don't but I think for the most part that's why you acted how you did. Maybe its just an excuse that I keep telling myself, that what happened was ok. That drugs and alcohol were the reason for how you treated me. We are miles apart and still you haven't said you were sorry for anything you said or did. I hit the ground running, I left everything in Washington, my family, friends, everything that made me who I am so I could get away from you, so that I wouldn't have to fight so much. I have been fighting for my life since the day I was born and I didn't want to fight for my life being with you anymore. So why do I find myself telling everyone how amazing you were when in reality you just tore me apart, tore me down instead of lifting me up. I kept pouring my love out on you and all you did was take, you never invested anything in me. You may say you love me now and that you miss me, but sometimes we don't know what we have until its gone. As much as I want to make myself believe that someday down the road maybe something will happen with us again. The truth is that you hurt me and tore me down so much that I don't think it can ever be undone, or that I can ever forget how you treated me. I will never marry a man that I wouldn't be proud to have a son just like him, and the way you treated me, I would die if my future son ever treated a girl or anyone for that matter like you treated me.